Working from home, I watch a lot of television during the day. Some of this is voluntary. For example, I look View daily (and this is not the first time I mention The View in this article). However, my mother also works from home and has a whole daytime television program that she goes on throughout the day. In short, I could probably recite NBC’s daytime TV schedule from The Today Show to The Ellen Show.
So, of course, I had to write at least one article on daytime television. After all, as the saying goes, “write what you know”. So, even if it’s just for my own amusement, here’s what some of my favorite video game characters‘ daytime talk shows might look like.
5 Princess Peach, Birdo, Rosalina, Wendy O Koopa and Toadette – Mario Series
In 1997, legendary television journalist Barbara Walters brought together women from all walks of life: “a working mother; a professional in her thirties; a young woman starting out; and then someone who has done almost everything and will say almost anything,” in his lyrics. These women would discuss current affairs and show the world that it is possible to approach any hot topic with frank and civilized discussion. (Okay, not always, but more of the time.) But, of course, I’m talking about The View.
In my opinion, The Mushroom Kingdom pays a lot more attention to its male heroes and villains than its female superstars. Heck, the gaming world alone has a lot of misogyny issues. It’s downright shameful. It’s time we heard from some of our favorite women in gaming discussing how we can make the world a better place. We could call this new show “The atmosphere” in honor of the mechanic of Super Princess Peach!
4 Rise Kujikawa – Persona 4
A pop star hosting a daytime talk show! ?
I don’t know if you heard, but Kelly Clarkson has a fantastic daytime talk show. In fact, it’s so good it’ll replace Ellen’s time slot next season. First, she begins the show by singing one of her hits or an amazing cover. Then the bubbly self-proclaimed bull sits with the guests and chats with them as if the cameras aren’t even rolling. It is an absolute delight. Every time I watch it, I feel like I’m spending the afternoon with my friend Kelly from Texas, who just happens to be the first (and best) american idol.
Speaking of idols, why not ask our favorite video game idol to host her own daytime talk show? Of course, we don’t have to transfer the Kelly Clarkson Show model verbatim. After all, cultural differences are inevitable when transferring an American talk show to Japan. Yet every spinoff game after Persona 4, like P4Arena and P4Dancing, is buzzing about Rise’s career comeback. If she’s looking to make waves, maybe becoming Japan’s first daytime TV idol will help her stand out. Who knows, maybe Kelly will be invited. (PLEASE!!!)
3 Monokuma and Usami – Danganronpa 2
Regis and Kathy Lee, Kelly and Ryan, Martha and Snoop: daytime talk shows flourish as duos. Moreover, the more the duo is contrasted, the better! That’s why Danganronpa’s Monokuma and Usami make perfect sense. This cotton-stuffed duo has a dynamic, if not downright creepy, rapport. Just imagine those two shots going off during a cooking segment. Talk about golden TV moments, am I right?
Of course, I recognize the risk of casting a murderous teddy bear alongside a passive teddy bunny on a daytime talk show. There’s always the possibility that Monokuma could lock Usami in his dressing room before a live taping. He might even go so far as to hijack the airwaves and force the live studio audience to participate in a murderous game…
Oh fuck. It might be a bad idea.
You know what, I’m gonna call ABC before this gets out of control.
2 Dudley – Street Fighter Series
A classy British pugilist with a passion for roses, Dudley was featured in 1997’s Street Fighter 3: Next Generation. Since then, he’s become one of the most popular characters in the series, especially among Street Fighter 3’s additions. In a series full of aggressive characters, like Juri Han or Urien, it’s nice to see someone enter the ring with restraint and a sense of politeness. Plus, Dudley’s down-to-earth, no-nonsense attitude is perfect for daytime television.
So that’s what I want on Dudley’s daytime talk show. We start the show by following Dudley going through his morning routine: making tea, enjoying an English breakfast and tending his garden. He then invites a guest to chat with him over another cup of tea in his charming gazebo overlooking his rose beds. Imagine the warm fuzzes you get from watching The Great British Bake-Off, but that’s daytime TV. There’s no heated debate or tabloid fodder, just warm, genuine conversation. I think the world needs it right now.
1 Johnny Cage – Mortal Kombat
Speaking of trained fighters hosting daytime TV, another candidate worth mentioning is Johnny Cage. Okay, he may have a tight schedule between filming the next blockbuster and defending Earthrealm. Still, Johnny has been through a lot lately. I mean, his wife, Sonya Blade, just died. And he barely had time to process it before young Sonya traveled back in time and fought alongside him against Kronika. So I think he deserves his own favorite project to keep him busy. After all, Cassie killed Shinnok. So she could give her father a break.
What could we expect from a Johnny Cage talk show? Dad jokes? Most likely. Special guests from realms beyond our knowledge? For sure. Maybe he’ll even give us martial arts lessons that we could do at home? Personally, I would definitely spend my mornings training with Hollywood’s funniest action star.
Speaking of fun action stars, we all know that Ryan Reynolds and Johnny Cage would be friends in real life. In fact, I bet Reynolds will be Cage’s first guest.
Next: Mortal Kombat 11: Most Relevant Things Players Do