Five video game characters who would make a better prime minister than Liz Truss

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Liz Truss is the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. A politician who can’t spell illiterate, doesn’t care about our growing energy bills, and believes trans women aren’t women. It is she who will lead the Conversative party into a “new era”. Except she won’t. So go.


Thatcher 3.0 will repeat all the same mistakes of its predecessors while ensuring that the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor as the country sinks further into oblivion. We’re going to have a brilliant time and I can’t wait, largely because it means we’re closer to revolution.

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But the gods of content demand that I deliver, so I spin my political talkcontents in a list of characters who would do a much better job of leading this country than Ol’ Lizzy Trussy. I even added a few honorable mentions for good measure.

GAME VIDEO OF THE DAY

5-Albert Wesker

Conservatives haven’t done a great job of handling the pandemic, but there’s one sunglasses-loving villain who knows a thing or two about the eruption of societal contagion – Albert Wesker.

Resident Evil’s head honcho aims to let those under him perish for economic gain. He’s tried time and time again to bring about the apocalypse within the Umbrella Corporation and is somehow still on their payroll. I bet he even takes advantage of company expenses to pay for his estate while the rest of his employees go to food banks. Classic conservative.

But he would still do a better job than Liz Truss. He’s charming, and not like “Boris Johnson does his best despite being a giant clumsy asshole”. He knows how to navigate his way through a sticky situation and stay on top. That’s why he hasn’t been fired yet.

We would trust him with our lives until it became clear that he had been working for the opposite side all this time. By then it will be far too late anyway, a bit like ten years of bitter Tory rule.

4-Andrew Ryan

Rapture founder Andrew Ryan also hates the poor. He would stumble upon your deceased nan’s freshly dug grave and declare her fit for work before heading to a lockdown party.

Ryan loves to talk about the value of building your future and how anyone is capable of succeeding if they kick up their boots and keep going. But like all the worst politicians, he’s oblivious to his own family privilege and the fact that all the hard work in the world won’t make up for the underlying societal systems that are fiercely opposed to those not born into a certain background.

He really was, minting oil on his property and using that newfound wealth to fashion a utopia inspired by his own ideological excesses. Instead of using his success to help fix the world he was raised in, he decided to escape it completely and build something far more problematic. Running away from responsibility and blaming others. Tory.

That being said, he’s charming as Wesker, and if he didn’t enact policies to lift us out of economic devastation, he would have at least sorted us out with plasmids and hastened the coming societal collapse. Let me throw a handful of bees at Jacob Rees-Mogg before this is all over.

3 – King of Cosmos

Katamari’s king of the cosmos doesn’t care about humanity, but his indifference is oddly endearing. The curators want us all to die, but this intergalactic dude just wants to harvest our planet’s resources and have a good time. I can roll with it and welcome its presence.

I can see it now – on the day he takes office a sticky ball starts rolling through Swansea picking up everything in its path. All we can do is play along, embrace the funky music and surreal nature of our new overlord as he helps us ascend to a new plane of existence.

2 – Liquid Ocelot

Picture this: David Cameron and Ed Miliband stand atop the Houses of Parliament, in a fistfight to end all fistfights as two gargantuan mechs duke it out in the streets of Westminster. As the encounter draws to a close, the two men suddenly share an aggressive yet passionate kiss on the lips. For a moment, their political lines are crossed.

This is what happens at the end of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots between Old Snake and Liquid Ocelot. Even the kissing part, I didn’t make that up. Now imagine if one of these men was our prime minister. Liquid Ocelot is a tyrant who believes absolute military power is the ultimate goal and will do anything to achieve this ideology even if it means enslaving entire nations and removing the need for independent thought.

Of course, it looks like the conservatives wanted to prevent us from protesting all political decisions, while censoring the media and commentators who seek to cast them in a negative light. We all know they would also bring back national service in a heartbeat.

Honorable Mentions

Before I get to the top pick, I want to go over a few honorable mentions that I neglected to include in the main selection because they aren’t exactly from video games. You can tell that I am setting very serious rules for this very serious article you are reading.

shadow weaver

Shadow Weaver from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is a real work. He’s a bully, she got away with child abuse and doesn’t care about any of the people living under her rule. But at least she does all those horrible things with incalculable efficiency. Conservatives aren’t even good at being soulless shells, they even manage to screw everything up. Shadow Weaver might show them a thing or two while advancing the party’s homophobic agenda.

Phil Spencer

The head of Xbox is Game’s Jeremy Corbyn. He understands what people want, has the resources to make it happen, and more than likely gives amazing hugs. He would absolutely be a better prime minister than Liz Truss, and I say that with all sincerity.

1 – Mael Radec

I’m not even beating around the bush with this one. The Helghast of Killzone are space Nazis. Evil colonizers out to assassinate anyone who stands in their way to ensure their fascist regime stays on top. Mael Radec is the final boss of the second game and considers himself a fearless leader with patriotic ideals that reign above any form of rhyme or reason. If I had to make a direct comparison, I guess he’s damn close to Priti Patel.

He doesn’t care about anyone else, as long as the Helghans win. Millions of innocent people may die and the whole country may crumble, but he’s at the top, so who cares? If that’s not a preservative, I don’t know what is. Radec would also make the party’s fascism a little more obvious, if that’s even possible at this point.

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